Disabled Angel

do not seek to have
your questions answered

simply question the answers
you already have

until there is nothing left
but sky-like presence

open, full of wonder

– jeff foster

Hands by Jewel

Reflecting on my first intimate encounter with my Kik friend May 2014. Kik is the app. he and I used to get to know each other. Wow! Is the short version. I played back a few moments in my mind. My body filled with sexual energy every time. He stood out as the most satisfying lover I had ever experienced at that point in time. Yet, it was only our first time together. How can that be? Why? Was it just me being so much more in love with myself than ever before? Working with the hypothesis that a higher energetic vibration results in an enhanced perception of the world around you. You will see more of what you are. One will see their own personalized version of things. In the words of Matt Kahn, my favorite teacher these days, in answer to what is Reality? It was me who asked him this question when I attended a retreat in Portland, Oregon in February 2014, “You are.” Love that answer!!!

At the pub, I recognized my Kik friend at second glance standing at the bar. I approached and playfully pointed from hip level to show that I was the one…he was looking for. Ha ha. I felt very comfortable instantly as I sensed he did. Not that we did not both stammer a bit with the first sentences. He directed me to choose a table. Loved his flirty comment that I should go first so he can check it out from behind. He wanted to take it back as it just flowed out. I was quick to reassure him that I would be concerned if he did not feel that way. Next thing I was sharing about my attractive gay friend in High School. He looked like Christopher Reeves, the original Superman. I noticed something off with my High School friend when he did not return my affection (we hung out a bit), but homosexuality was not in my understanding at the time. His loss I always thought. Once I understood him more, I realized it was my loss too. He may have benefited from a friend. I could have been a better friend. That is where authentic communication comes in handy. I can imagine that might have been a hard conversation. I would have been well suited for it. Love authentic anything! It allows for deeper human connection.

Back to 2014: Conversation continued very real…and easy. Shortly into the conversation, I guessed he was married. He felt he had fessed up already when he stated that he was very attached in a prior Kik message. I had wondered what he had meant by that. Interesting that it went over my head. Kind of glad it did… I am not 100% sure I would have agreed to meet him. Who am I kidding?  I probably would have. I was curious. I certainly would not go back now.

His energy was so calm. The opposite of rushed. Learned that I love that! He asked gently, “so now what?” or something along those lines. I had an answer in my head more as feelings, not words. Pictures, not phrases. I was noticing this more and more in my life. I liked it. If I am with someone who demands a word or phrase response, it might not work. He seemed able to read me. I enjoyed a long pause, just looking into his eyes. I perceived that I embodied calm energy too. The gaze was gentle, lacking all expectation but noticing what was there. Not lusty. Just connected. I reached out both hands so that my forearms were parallel and inside his two forearms. He did not rush but eventually put both of his hands on mine. I am reminded how strong a hand fetish I have. Sexual energy rushed through my body like someone just rang the bell at the carnival with the big hammer, you know? Pretty hard to ignore.  He gently caressed my palms with his two masculine masterpieces. That might have entertained me all night. I could not take my eyes off those hands. Long after he asked his question, “so now what”, I ask him if he still needed an answer. He smiled and became the sexiest man on earth right then and there.

Intuition by Jewel

After a while of just enjoying the company, I suggested we go to my place. It took no convincing. I guess that was always the plan. The pub was a check to see if we clicked or not. We headed out to our vehicles. I ensured that he had my address in case I lost him driving. Time stood still. I saw him planted there in front of me, so peaceful and sure. He took my face in his hands and kissed me…so tenderly and slow. The greatest power has the lightest touch. I felt like I had been pulled out of the time continuum. I watched the Kim Possible movie “A Stitch in Time” the day prior. Love the time continuum! Time flows around us but we are the island, stable and unmoving in the middle of a raging river. I just had to try to capture how I felt in words. Maybe the rest of the world finds this completely self-evident. You experience it every Wednesday and Saturday or whatever your schedule is. I tease you all. For me, this was new.

Once at my place, more of that deep soulful kissing. Mmmmm… We were standing. Seemed upstairs would be a more suitable venue. I led. He followed. So much more of the same soulful connection with each and every movement. Oh. So. Delicious. I perceived him like a flower blooming. I felt he was giving me all the love he had. We were meeting face to face for the first time with three weeks of fun banter prior. I have had connections with men where intimate fun felt appropriate upon first meeting, but not like this. I intuited that he loved himself more than any other man I had ever been with. He knew who he was and what he was for.  Despite not quite having the details, I am compelled to share that either as a late teenager or young man, he faced death.  Beat cancer?  It affected his present day philosophy.   We are all here to love. Not to judge if the other is worthy of love. The other is as worthy as you are. I am not sure who started it, to me it felt like it was him. I could completely give myself in to that philosophy. I felt like I was accepting an award at the Academy Awards on behalf of another not able to be present that evening. Yet, it was just as real as if I was that person. I felt and feel so worthy of that. My belief is that it is true for everyone, if you are in a place to let it in. I guess that was the big breakthrough for me. I am worthy. So, so worthy. I felt it to my core. With our three weeks of texty, not sexty, communication before we had met, we knew that we shared some philosophy. I knew he had read at least one of my stories online. It was a potentially challenging one too: The Twin Flame story. He had said more than once that he was a voracious reader. Just using the word voracious turned me on. He also had messaged, “I concur” once in reference to loving wearing flip flops. Love that! A man with a vocabulary. Hot stuff! In my experience, a man who wears flip flops knows how to chill. I want that in a man. Just another reminder that the brain is the most important sexual organ in the body. But it came down to the energy. I sensed it nearly right away…from a distance.

In the Plenty of Fish computer dating game, I had connected quite strongly to another writer weeks prior. He messaged a lot of his writing to me over several days. I was warming to him more and more. Handsome and expressive. His poetic writing touched my heart. I tentatively offered for him to read my writing. I wondered if opposites attracted, stated these very words to him. I was referring to our writing styles. In this case, no, opposites repelled. Once he read my writing, he requested that I never message him again. Funny. I had guessed that maybe he was in la la land. He was expressing such beautiful admiration for me. I was playing a role in his fantasy. When he read my writing, it burst his bubble. Whoops! Reality strikes. That pesky reality. I realized that I will never feel authentic caring from a man who has not read my writing. I was a little nervous about my Kik friend reading my stories but it became obvious when I was up late the day I published the Twin Flame story. I am honest to a fault. Authentic also. He could not help but be curious, I imagine. I do not want to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. I am a unique blend. I only know how to be me.

I wanted to capture this intriguing man, Mr. Kik, in words as best I could. I think of him like a fruit ripened to perfection. I am known to my kids as the fruit and vegetable whisperer. I have a knack for intuitively knowing when produce will be delicious or not and when it is ripe and ready. I look at my life’s experience. Maybe I am honing that in the Man department. Nice. History had shown that the less effort I put in to meeting a guy, the better the result. In the case of my Kik friend, his timing was perfect. He nearly missed out. He got into my dating world just as the garage door was about to close. I could just see him dropping and rolling under that door. I was closing down the dating game for a while just as his first message came in.  He was the last connection from the Plenty of Fish website. He just made it…

I was so enthralled with publishing my stories on my website that I lost all interest in playing with the boys.  Two dates with two different men the first two days the website was live – no interest.  One was a young, sexy man fresh from Spain but I had no enthusiasm for him. I was following the oft repeated advice for me:  kiss a few frogs.  In this case, I only kissed the Spanish frog.  Despite the frog’s desires, I left it at that.  See, I do say no when inspiration does not strike.  The other was a successful business owner from the burbs.  Quirky memory:  I flirted with the waitress instead of my date.  Yes, she was a woman but playful and sexy in a wholesome way.  Realized that was a dismal date for my gentleman friend.  Hardy har har.  I had fun … just not with him.  I always follow my intuition. Let us Kik back or back to Kik, I mean.  I chose to banter back and forth with Mr. Kik whenever he would message. Somehow he always chose his words wisely. Playful, yet respectful. A little bit shy. Slowly over a few weeks, I recognized that I really enjoyed his communications. Curiosity was piqued. Must satisfy that…always.

I recognize that my behavior can look very impulsive. I am a pretty smart cookie. But I have come to understand that it is intuition. When vision is clear, it does not require weeks of interacting. When you know and trust yourself. You just know when you know. There are no rules about this. Energy exchange started with this friend upon our first message. I am amazed at how much can be transmitted from afar. There are a few men who have really helped me to experience this. Norwegian friend #1, #2 and now my Kik friend. Oh, cannot forget “Backwards Day” friend. Nice to connect with someone a little closer to home base. Mr. Kik is the only one of the group to call Edmonton home.  It is my working hypothesis that it is simply physics.  Energetic vibration matches or is close.  A passive physical phenomenon.  Works magically and mysteriously when you are thinking with the traditional collective consciousness mindset.  Let go the need to understand.  When oceans of good vibrations are moving through your body, you can take that as a sign.  Make sense?  This is not rocket science people …

I think about my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. I have been on both sides of the diagnosis: doctor and patient. I know impulsive behavior could be called a symptom…by a Diagnostician who lacks clarity. One man’s impulsive is another man’s clarity. See where that judging stuff is not such a good idea? Whose rulebook do we use? Is there such a thing as the right rulebook and the wrong rulebook?  (Insert:  Proving that I can somewhat control my impulses, I am not going to elaborate on how the Movie Divergent exemplified my thoughts so well on this topic.  I have decided this story needs a Part 2:  coming soon.) I encourage us to allow the lines to blur here. Most of us really have no idea how clear or unclear we are. Including me…of course. It is next to impossible to be objective in this department. Medical Practitioners are no exception. If the one holding all the power is murky in their vision, God help us all.  Add in Legal Powers and viola, we have our present day Mental Health System. Judging another’s clarity is an uphill challenge. When mindsets do not match, it is unfair for one to judge the other. Live and let live goes a long way to world peace. I boldly declare that often it takes time passing to enable a more accurate assessment of clarity. Only upon looking back will the reflection be clear. If we have issue with the status quo, then we are well served to choose to change. That is what I choose. I ask others to allow me to play out my choices.

It is my hypothesis that Mental Illness is the way it looks when the caterpillar first opens its wings. The wings are particularly delicate initially. They need time to dry. Clarity crystallizes over time. The Mental Health System is setup to cut those wings and stuff you back into the cocoon. Mindset has shifted away from the collective consciousness and yet the mentally ill patient, for lack of a better description, is expected to follow the old rulebook of the collective consciousness. We are stuck in a loop… as a society…for a longtime now.  We take those transforming and transcending the collective consciousness shackles, medicate them and spoonfeed back the regurgitated mindset.  The freshly evolving individual is fragile.  Fear has been a way of life, embedded deep within the mindset.  Like horses when the barn is on fire, they run back to what they have always called home.  Instincts supercede evolution.  An agonizing death greets the horses, a marginalized existence can be expected by most of the Mentally Ill (for lack of a better word).    With authoritarian style, the Medical Profession reminds the patient (for lack of a better word) of the rules. If we ever hope to get out of this loop, something will have to change. It is my dream to test my hypotheses out. Perhaps that will be by demonstrating heart open care of what is now considered mental illness but could also be viewed as people undergoing transformation. People letting go of past beliefs and blocks and connecting to their true selves: their natural state. A change of the gameboard. Mindset shift. Could be huge…if we allow it. This requires some nurturing.

I have some ideas…

When the reality police tell me I can’t feel the way I in fact do feel, I go crazy – using their terminology. That is Bipolar Disorder. You’re welcome for my translation services, again. It only took me 48 years to figure that out. I am unaware of a book with that information but am thankful my life has taught me something very important. The cure: live and let live. Love and support each other peacefully. Each of us thrive when we follow our excitement. Excitement will look differently for each of us. Trust others to know for themselves. Is that so hard? Easier said than done, you say? It is as easy as you decide it is. Go for it!

Also want to add that this moment in time is different from the past, even ten years ago. I, along with many others, hypothesize that energetic changes on the earth in recent years will put a large amount of the human population in a position to transform. It will happen more efficiently for those now than for those in the past. Let us learn all we can in this New World.

Heaven Help by Lenny Kravitz

Started May 25, 2014

GIVE LOVE

If we wait for others to love US, and we constantly need them to prove their love to us, we could be in for a very long wait. It’s a huge responsibility trying to make someone feel “loved”, and it isn’t really our job, it’s theirs. Sure our part is to be Loving, caring, honest and loyal, but not to be forever trying to prove our actions and feelings to others who are not ready to accept it, or cannot accept it without constant proof can be never ending.

We cannot lose by giving love, but we will lose if we hold our love back waiting for others to prove themselves first. When we can give easily without any expectations from others then we have got the true meaning of unconditional love.
All1son of Walking My Talk Facebook Page

P.S. – Find it ironic that I received the most commitment from the married man. Somehow the single guys are busy ensuring that you know that they are not committed to you. They are holding back with their love. I get it. If they were more giving, in my case, I would have been all over that. I am still left confused… They have not seemed open to receiving anything I might like to give. I can only control me.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t. To the single mindset.

Whenever sex is involved, pokes a finger in a huge societal wound. So many belief systems there leading to judgment. Judgment is detrimental to evolution. Live and let live…

I believe that there is an unlimited supply of love. I am not afraid to give love. I trust my Self when it comes to choosing to share love with sexual expression. I appreciate that many do not share my views in this area.

I choose to believe that everything that happens to me is within my choice and for my highest good. The traditional collective consciousness might judge something as bad but I assume it serves me whether deemed good or bad with the old rulebook.

Verruckt – Are you insane? Experiencing this ride could be thought of as an analogy for individual human evolution. Not for the fainthearted. Do you get it?  Funny that it was a lovely multilingual man I dated (a 3 date special) that put the German word for crazy into my mind.  We joked back and forth a lot with that word.  He was French Canadian but previously married a German woman and spent many years living in Germany.  Somehow, he did not earn a story like most of my gentleman friends have.  The nugget to come out of that friendship was:  Verruckt.  Good to go!

The Married Man.  I declare they are the most honest, from my perspective, of men.  The ones I have connected to anyway.  Yes, more than one now.  Slight trend it appears.  They share my disdain, stronger word than necessary, for Society’s rulebook.  They are very comfortable with themselves and do not care what others think.  Nice. They use their own excitement as their guide.  Single men play a lot more games in my experience.  Authentic communication.  Sounds hard but once you try it, there is no going back.  Love how I slowly realized that if I am completely honest and it turns out to be judged as bad behavior by Society, I go ahead anyway.  I have found great joy and freedom there!  Like attracts like:  pure physics.  Not some grand plan.  The gentlemen I have attracted share a similar energetic vibration to myself.  I love myself.  Hence, loving the men that fall into my lap.  It is not rocket science.  Maybe it is?  I call it Physics of Consciousness.  I attract freethinking, smart, fun, playful, sexy men.  No surprise there, right?  Not that long ago, I might have thought I wanted a relationship.  Not too sure about that anymore.  I see our Relationship System as subtle slavery for both the man and the woman.

Many thoughts and old programming are based on lies and immature emotional processing. Look at the thought, examine it and see where it leads you into feeling like a victim. Then state the truth, that in every given moment we choose to act, think, and feel in a certain way. Suunat Kumara.  Beauty is in the choice.  If you feel less than or captive in your situation, choose a new belief once you have figured out which one holds you prisoner.  Easier said than done … but do-able.

Mirror, Mirror  by Justin Timberlake.

Historical Review:

Love is such an important topic.  I was nudged to review some of the most powerful collaborators whom I have discussed the concept of Love (with a capital L).  It holds all of our power.  Yet is ri...dick..ulously underutilized.  I choose to share my personal evolution.  I have some fantastic people in my corner.

Gabrielle Hartwell:  An Intuitive Life Coach.  I have done two readings with her Xmas 2011 and early 2012.  My daughter marveled at the appropriateness of her name.  She has written a book called Rising Up The Ladder of Love. 

Loved how she saw my daughter and I holding hands as equals spiritually.  So true.  My kids have aided my growth and expansion immensely.  She assigned me to look for patterns within my past relationships.  Being myself, I made a spreadsheet.  I have actually gleaned quite a bit via that technique.  My old saying There is no problem that a spreadsheet cannot solve.  Whenever you put any collection of data or ideas into rows and columns, you will learn something.  Listen to me now, believe me later.

Liora:  She calls herself a vibrational alchemist.  A Soul-based communicator.  A visionary, evolutionist and paradigm shifter.  Had several sessions years ago now.  Her energy was/is sublime.  Firstly, she determined my Soul Signature – just by discussing my life issues and then picking up my vibration.  She collected a series of words to describe me In a Nutshell:

Soul Signature is expressing Beautiful Truth and Love in words and pictures.  Exclusivity is also in there.  Each time we connected the same words would string together differently.  She guided me to what she termed the Sacred Self-Reunion.  My Soul Purpose would be enabled as I broke down any blocks to expressing my Soul Signature.  She helped me to be aware of my Core Wounds which were just the opposite to my Soul Signature.  For me:  It was bad to express beautiful, emotional truth in words.  Especially if they were exclusive.  This was over two years ago.  At the time, I did not really know what to do with this information.  I absorbed it at whatever level.  The exclusive baffled me a little.  She specifically mentioned that exclusivity within a Soul Signature was a huge challenge.

Before Liora, I connected to an amazing woman, Nadia Tumas.  Via analysis of my handprint, she offered information about my Soul Purpose.  This was in early 2012.  Whenever I need a little boost, I review her reading.  She described my Soul Purpose as very Beautiful.  I will be a Successful Healer, not in the traditional sense but at a Soul level.  She felt that I will heal on all levels, including physical.  Words would be my most important modality.  She described me as a talented, natural counselor – as if I already have a PhD.  Then she described my Life Lesson:  Overcome the guilt of being powerful.  Stay in my truth, no matter what.    With power comes vulnerability of being blamed and rejected.  Life School was/is wisdom.  She felt that included less than 2% of the population.  My biggest challenge was deemed to be procrastination.  Could always find a reason not to take action.  She felt my Soul came to take risks.  I needed to jump off the diving board.  Allow things not to be perfect.  No such thing as failure.  I tended to struggle to move forward.  People of this type like information and over-education.  Nadia prescribed a mantra for me:  I am ready.  She proclaimed me destined to be a Reluctant Pioneer.  As I wrote this, I was reminded that Nadia’s hand analysis was the most succinct and informative of readings.  I enjoy the hobby of connecting to various healers/psychics, so this is a huge statement.  Not to downplay any of the others.  With each connection, I always learned something.

NOW is the only moment
you will ever truly know.

The rest is memory, anticipation, projection and fantasy.

NOW is home. NOW is eternity.
NOW is your unshakeable root, your unbreakable identity, your calm in the midst of the storm of time.

Live in the moment.
(It’s impossible not to).

– Jeff Foster

I end with another Jeff Foster quote:

“Whatever it is, stop trying to figure it out now. Let it remain unresolved a little while. Stop trying to fast-forward to the answer scene in the movie of your life; trust the present scene of no answer yet. Allow the question itself space to breathe and be fertilized.”

As I am not known to listen to every piece of advice I hear, I boldly state:  I am all I need.

It does not preclude me wanting to share… (blink, blink)

Stronger Woman by Jewel

I am … a Jewel.  As we all are.

P.S. – What happened to Kik friend you ask?  I chose to speak of our connection quite freely – to my own surprise.  “I have taken a lover”, were the chosen words.  It made me feel like an artist.  All true writers take a lover at sometime in their life, am I right?  I do get a kick out of shocking people. Regular visits continued for months.  Summer holidays hit.  Kik hurt himself which resulted in missing work.  Work schedule was where freedom to visit me existed.  No work.  No visit.  I have since dropped my connection to a couple of rules from the old rulebook. Another exciting connection entered during the gap with Mr. Kik. I got the idea that I should drop my lover as a result.  I have always been aligned to the saying Have your cake … and eat it too.  So looking back, not sure that I needed to drop Kik.  My new friend did not request.  I assumed.  Did not take my own advice.  Relationships can be a form of captivity to my present thinking.  I can be loyal if I want to.  I am sure of that:  22 year long track record.  Not bad.  Mr. Kik recently touched base.  The fire was restarted.  Planned meetup was scheduled days prior to Xmas break 2014.  Somebody’s marital partner had some serious medical symptoms pop up and required that she be driven to the hospital.  What do you know?  Possibly most readers side with the woman.  Now that I have my own first-hand experience, I side with the gentleman.  I am a strong believer in freedom … for all.  It is when one person uses their power and energy to control the behavior of another that peace and love are challenged.  Also bad for one’s health.  Every man (or woman) for himself.  Another perspective for your consideration.  Yes, I assumed here … in my intuitive way.  The married partners doing the captivity dance.  Each expression is unique.  Been there, done that.  Live and let live is more important at the scale of the home than the world.  When there is Peace at home, there is Peace in the world.  It takes two to Tango.

In case there have not been enough little sayings included in this story:  It is important to call a spade a spade.  My sense is that this is a tough one for people.

Strong partnerships are built upon Freedom, Peace and Love.  I prefer to include respect and transparency but from where I sit, a lot of people cannot handle the Truth with grace and ease.  We all get there … eventually.

January 1, 2015  Addendum:

Started this story in May of 2014.  No story had collected as many songs, photos/Facebook posts and quotes as this one had.  The process was quite different from other stories somehow.  I cut out a huge section which included a spreadsheet.  In pure Angèle style.  I was crazier than usual while writing this.  Keep in mind that I use the words crazy and genius interchangably.  The story was in a form of completion prior to Xmas 2014.  Yet the nudge to publish did not occur.  Fine.  Some 11th hour concept often comes to me.  As much as these three concepts dangle on their own, I wanted to include three recent revelations.

An awkward conversation with family members over Xmas while on a cruise ship left me giddy as I declared to myself that I don’t believe in Science.  At least not the type of science I truly did believe in during Medical School and in Family Practice as a Doctor.  The topic was following through with testing advised by our Doctors.  On one hand, the declaration was not news to me.  But to say it concisely and out loud felt very good.  Integrating something within myself.  I had never called the spade the spade until this moment.  I pussyfooted around the truth.  I have a tendency to do that.  I wonder why?

The second feel good proclamation was that when you vibrate at or above the energetic vibration of Love, the old rulebook is obsolete.  Maybe that sounds elementary.  Truth tends to be quite simple.  Science becomes irrelevant when you can embody this higher vibration.  The two mindsets:  believing in Science and not believing in Science really do not marry well.  Understatement of the century.  Am I making any sense at all?  I admit that I chuckle as I ask this.  It really does not matter to me.  I do desire harmony and peace so continue to try to make myself understood to people who follow the rulebook that I am so very familiar with.  The hard part is for them to understand why I do not follow it anymore.  I have been labelled crazy.  By the old rulebook, absolutely I am.  The (Quantum) Physics Professor, that would be me, offers a new perspective to aid in the understanding of what crazy is.

The third concept is that I am crazy.  Only I do not believe it means what those who believe in Science thinks it means.  I see storytelling as a way to share an alternate perspective.  The catch 22 is that those who believe in Science will have a huge challenge before them to understand … unless they choose to loosen their grip on.  Wait for it.  Wait for it …  Reality.  Science-based reality.  As much as I have had the label of crazy for over 2 years now, I can finally say it and not feel that activist defiant energy.  I understand why I am considered crazy.  I am more comfortable with it now than ever.  A Beautiful Truth.  It has more to do with Quantum Physics than illness in the Sciency sense.  Listen to me now.  Believe me later.  It is my belief that the best way to help illuminate this Gap is by demonstrating what is possible.  My Life is my Experiment.  Just watch me …  If I dare be brave enough to step over the boundaries that mean so little to me.

A return to the topic at hand.  You are the Lover and the Loved.

A mélange of quotes:

Few is the number of those
who think with their own mind
and feel with their own heart.
– Albert Einstein

“Whatever you are lacking in any situation is what you have not given” Course in Miracles

The Buddhist saying – all expectation leads to suffering – applies to all expectations you create in your life, without exception. Dalai Lama

To find the Beloved,
you must become the Beloved – Rumi

There is nothing that makes its way more directly into the soul than beauty.
~Joseph Addison

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi ~

My role in society, or any artist’s or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.
~John Lennon♥

Imagine Cover by Jack Johnson  My ideas are far from new to this Earth.  Imagine by John Lennon was released in 1971.

2012 Angel Message by Liora  (I draw your attention to the year 2012, three years ago.  I call that Mind the Gap.  Another title waiting for a story.  No rush.  Lots of time.  Tee hee.  I am sure with that advice at the moment.  I expect others will understand me more in 2-3 years.  Sooner if they choose.  Free will is alive and well.  In the meanwhile, I am all that I need.  In Liora’s words, the Sacred Self Reunion.  Alleluia!!)

Transcription:

Dear Ones,

As you welcome a New Year with magical unfoldings;

Taking you deeper into your Soul awareness,

Your hearts are expanding to higher love vibrations.

We have not so many words for you, Dear Ones, and we know you will understand this,

realizing all your mental concepts are falling away with each moon phase … and awakening realizations,

Making the way for the new era of the Soul . . .the feelings of the Soul.

The Soul. . . your Soul . . .who you truly are – above and beyond limited words and mind concepts and rigid beliefs and stories.

As you know the Soul deeper, the language will change completely.

You will gain a deeper telepathic awareness, more connected to your Soul:

The feelings of your Soul.

Notice how we emphasize feelings.

Yes Beloveds, it is the feelings that carry the purest vibration.

The purest vibration of the real you: your Soul.

The past era of thoughtforms blocked your true heart feelings.

Now you will be embracing the tonal and complete language of the Soul;

therefore creating deep Peace within and, therefore, Peace on planet Earth.

As you awaken to each new day, allow yourself to know your truth:

Your soul . . . your true heart feelings.

Know the deepest of Self-love and Self honor.

Follow your true heart’s desires as you observe your destiny unfolding with ease and grace of (your true Self – my addition);

with complete faith and trust of your Soul:

The feelings of your Soul.

Is this too simple Dear Ones?

Listen to your Soul and know the simplicity of being.

Aligning deeper with the bliss of pure existence: your Soul.

Dear Ones, you are so loved.

We are the Angels…

Drunk on a Plane by Dirks Bentley.  Mr. Kik ressembles Dirks Bentley with hair below his shoulders and most recently a full beard.  The Northern Alberta accent is not far off either.  Handsome devils those two.  Love the video showing how we write our own story. YOLO!

Likely there will be a Part 2 for this story.  The only way I could think of to stop adding.

Bsides by Federico Bebber

Wrap It Up: things will come to an end at the Perfect Time … whenever You want them to.

I have assigned myself the hobby of Roving Reporter in the Mental Health Wellness world. My label, Bipolar Disorder, was assigned to me during Involuntary Inpatient care in a Psychiatric ward October 2012. I recently celebrated the two year Anniversary of this big event. I now call it a Gift. I have enjoyed slowly unwrapping it ever since. I am happy to report, it is the Gift that keeps on giving. Months ago, I really connected to the dream that I want to be a part of a New Paradigm in what has been called Psychiatric Illness and Care. I was Licensed as a Family Physician in 1992 but stopped paying my Annual License Fees in 2012. Prior to my Psychiatric diagnosis by chance. I did not see my role as a Physician as the path that resonated with me to help redefine Mental Illness. It was as the Role of Patient that excited my Exploration. No idea how I would do this. Followed my Inspiration.

A dear friend found a casual post on the billboard of the local coffee shop. Texted me a photo. It advertised a Bipolar Support Group. It was not that anything aside from the label made me think I would inquire. Note the tone in what I imagine was trying to be an invitation. I did not find it at all inviting or relevant to my life… but it felt like my answer to “How was I going to find other Bipolar labeled people to connect with?” As much as my mind was a bit averse to the idea that I needed additional support, I was surprised to note my Enthusiasm. Following this unlikely Inspiration led to many Discoveries. I liked the Psychology Group that was running it. It was evident immediately on the phone that they were very sincere in wanting to offer help to those who might be in need. They had secured funding from the Wellness Network in Alberta. I applauded. I recall how many Patients in Medical Practice would have benefited from various psychology services. Fees charged limited many people in need.

Upon first contact with the Outpatient Psychology Services, the Enthusiasm poured out. My first opportunity to join in was not the Support Group but to attend the WRAP program. Wellness Recovery Action Plan – Peer led.  The idea of Patients who had their Own Experience leading the group just struck me as a Fantastic Idea. I wondered if I might be able to play that role in the future. You must attend the group once before you could ever facilitate it. The program was formed in the late 1990’s as a result of the experience of an American PhD Psychologist whose mother suffered a long-term severe Depression requiring many years of living in an Institution. The Peers were fully trained based on the program by Mary Copeland. Certainly felt it slanted over to Depression rather than Mania. It had Value to offer nonetheless.

My Favorite Part of the Program was contemplating what is Recovery? I was surprised how hard this was for me to define. I consistently heard myself talk about my Label.  I never used the word Illness.  What others call illness, I call an Evolution.  We were reminded that Recovery was a Process. One Clinical definition I found was from mhrecovery.com: William Anthony, Director of the Boston Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation seems to have developed the cornerstone definition of mental health recovery. Anthony (1993) identifies recovery as ” a deeply personal, unique process of changing one’s attitudes, values, feelings, goals, skills and/or roles. It is a way of living a satisfying, hopeful, and contributing life even with limitations caused by the illness. Recovery involves the development of new meaning and purpose in one’s life as one grows beyond the catastrophic effects of mental illness.”
Not a terrible definition. Uplifting, it is not. Interesting use of even with limitations and catastrophic. One man’s catastrophe is another man’s breakthrough.

Preferred definitions written by two of our Facilitators, Peers:

Recovery is a Process of new beginnings to a new me, living one day at a time. It’s taking care of myself and believing that I have something positive to offer to others. It’s being able to live a life worth living, with Purpose. Whereby I don’t dwell on my past mistakes, and instead focus on living for today and for the future and changing what I can today. Female Facilitator. I’ll have what she’s having!

Recovery: I want a life worth living as I see it. Male Facilitator. Yes, I’ll have what he’s having too!

Wonder if even the era is relevant. The Clinical Definition is noted from 1993. The Peer’s definitions come from 2014. We are always Evolving… Patients and Caregivers alike.  Funny, when you call it Illness and Recovery it sounds so serious.  Perhaps it could be Reframed as Growth and Evolution.  It is all in the Mind of the Beholder.

My Hypothesis: Living with Purpose Aligned with who you really are is the Cure to what is now called Mental Illness. Simple … possibly not as easy as it sounds.

Full support to a little List of Rights that was shared.

Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have the Right to Ask for what I Want.

2. I have the Right to Say No to requests or demands I can’t meet.

3. I have the Right to Change my Mind.

4. I have the Right to make Mistakes and Not have to be Perfect.

5. I have the Right to Follow my own Values and Standards.

6. I have the Right to Express All of my Feelings, both positive or negative in a Manner that will Not Harm others.

7. I have the Right to say No to Anything when I feel I am Not Ready, it is Unsafe, or it Violates my Values.

8. I have the Right to Determine my Own Priorities.

9. I have the Right Not to be Responsible for Others’ Behavior, Actions, Feelings or Problems.

10. I have the Right to Expect Honesty from Others.

11. I have the Right to Feel Angry at someone I Love and to Express this in a Responsible Manner.

12. I have the Right to be Uniquely Myself.

13. I have the Right to Feel Scared and say “I’m Afraid.”

14. I have the Right to say “I Don’t Know.”

15. I have the Right to make Decisions based on my Feelings, Beliefs and Values.

16. I have the Right to My Own Reality.

17. I have the Right to my own Needs for Personal space and time.

18. I have the Right to be Playful and Frivolous.

19. I have the Right to be Healthy.

20. I have the Right to be in a Non-abusive Environment.

21. I have the Right to Make Friends and be Comfortable around People.

22. I have the Right to Change and Grow.

The Voice of Shel Silverstein

23. I have the Right to have my Needs and Wants Respected by Others.

24. I have the Right to be Treated with Dignity and Respect.

25. I have a Right to Grieve.

26. I have the Right to a Fulfilling Sex Life.

27. I have the Right to be Happy.

Outside of the Scope of Self-care in the Course, I want to share the following Quote:

“Being Selfish or Self-Centered is the Criticism that will often be leveled at you by People who don’t Understand truly what the Nature of Self-Love and Self-Care is. When we Practice Self-Love and Self-Care at higher levels than we have ever been taught by Society, we Naturally want to Care for Others more. We Naturally want to Love and Share more, because Love is a Shared Energy. It is not an Exclusive Energy and it’s far more Interesting and Enjoyable when you Share it and watch it Grow and Multiply.” Lee Harris – An Energy Intuitive and Channeler that I have followed for nearly three years.  I Align with this Perspective. Love his work!

I simultaneously joined the Bipolar Support Group as I signed up for WRAP. I attended WRAP all summer with weekly meetings. Did not skip a beat and started the Support Group in the fall 2014. I found the Lee Harris quote the morning after one of our meetings. The biggest take home message I had received via the support group was that in our group, Caregiver Distress was Forefront. Did not see that one coming. The most recent meeting covered Boundaries. The Facilitator had gained my Respect. She eloquently led the Group. Many fires extinguished as discussion got heated and polar at times. It was my sense that this group was the first time Caregivers had been welcomed to join. Offering Groups that had been fully funded only started a couple of years ago. Now they are running three programs annually. My Perception: the Majority of the Time was spent on the Caregivers. They were Overwhelmed with Caring for their Loved One, the Patient. To me this was a Paradox. If you are truly caring, for yourself first, and then your loved one, it would be impossible to be overwhelmed. If You are Overwhelmed, You need to be Aware, take Responsibility for it, and find the Solution(s). They Exist. Shining the Light of Awareness on this Phenomenon, Caregiver Overwhelm, Presents Immeasurable Opportunities to Transform our Society.

Listen to me Now, Believe me Later. My Dad’s oft repeated Quote.

A Whisper to the Lady with the Lamp: My Darling, Your Flame Burnt Out Quite Some Time Ago.
Restore Your Flame before Proceeding to Restore the Flames of Others.
Revitalize Yourself: the Devoted Way to Revitalize Another.
Revive Your Health & Vigor.
Model Optimal Resiliency.
Enjoy the Deep Peace of Your Natural Self:  A Powerful Healing Remedy.

My Hypothesis: When the Overwhelmed Caregiver Properly Cares for Him/Herself, the Patient will also Improve. To Traditional Thinking, you would Imagine that there is no reason for the seemingly Miraculous Improvement of the Patient. In Actuality, we are all Connected. Family Energetic Connections are Strong. When you look after One, the One you are Responsible for, Yourself, you actually help All the Others you are Connected to. Courageous Honesty is Required.  This sweeps Far and Wide. Elder care. Childcare. Etc.

In the Group, the Caregivers were either a Parent or a Spouse of a Patient. Keep in mind that I keep using the term Patient for clarity purposes:  to differentiate those With a Label from those Without.  My Belief: we are both the Doctor and the Patient, each one of us.  Back to my Story.  I had been reluctant to come to any conclusions. Some of the Caregivers attended with their Patient, some not. I continued to listen to Patients give advice to Caregivers. When the talk about Boundaries came up, I was so impressed with how expertly the Facilitator addressed what I would call the Elephant in the Room. The Caregivers had Huge Boundary Issues. Control and Authority is the modus operandi. They often use the Mental Illness label as an Excuse to overstep Boundaries and Enact Control over their Loved One.  Not unlike the Mental Healthcare System.  Micro to Macro.  When we Optimize the Micro (Family), the Macro (Health System) is sure to follow.  Boundaries are crossed with the Highest Intentions. I get it. I perceive that Traditional Collective Consciousness defines that as Caring and Loving. One Hypothesis I had prior to the Support Group was that the Energy of the Loved Ones is actually a part of the Cause of Mental Illness. In the Field, we discuss the Identified Patient.  We Know that a Patient does not live in a Vacuum but in an Environment where their Being is not Harmoniously Aligned with their Family Culture/Societal Norms.  Nobody wants to be told that they have a Role to Play in the Disease of their Family Member. With Loving Intentions, they Elaborate their Love and Caring, in the Traditional way.  They Expand the Imbalance . They are Innocent Bystanders. They are Loving in a way taught to them both via Experience and the Energy of their Ancestors before them. Genetics is not the only way things are transmitted in Families. Stuck in a Loop we are.

Wrap Your Arms Around Me by the Bare Naked Ladies

I am not going to try to tackle the issue of Boundaries in any form of completeness. Where there are Relationship Issues, there are often Boundary Issues. Will simplistically say that when an interpersonal problem arises, it may be due to you discovering a Boundary crossed that you were made Aware. Relationships are a great source of learning. Best interpersonal relations require that you be deeply Honest, Transparent, Authentic and Respectful as you let the other person know about your Boundary. My Assessment after 48 years on this Fine Earth, a person is often reluctant to do that because when they do this correctly, the other person is Free to Choose their response to your Boundary. People prefer to Control and to have Authority over the other person’s behavior. Fear of Losing the Relationship lurks. I Clarified this for myself that night in Support Group. The Facilitator declared that to set Boundaries was to transparently voice your needs in such a way that allows the other person to Choose how they respond to it. More commonly seen is when the person voices their needs and exactly how the other person is to respond to them. Subtle Slavery. They want to hold you Captive. Most people do not like to be held Captive … even if they do not conceptualize it this way. It is challenging to feel Free or Loved with these Authoritarian stylin’s.

I have the Opti-mystic belief that for every need within the world there is the matching person who would be able to Joyfully Fulfill that need. I add this in with regards to Disabilities. Rings true for all Relationships though. Some of the Caregivers felt their Patient was Disabled. I admit there are situations where human potential looks different. I do not think it changes the importance of Self-care for the Caregiver. It just necessitates for other caregivers to be found in the world. Not to forget to fully explore the Empowerment of the Disabled Person also. Trust must be Cultivated – a common roadblock I see. Then there are the Financial Constraints … otherwise known as Excuses. I have nothing more to say about that …

Fears were discussed in the group. I see the Logic in the Beautiful Caring Souls. Expressed Fears:  the house might burn down if a Stove element was forgotten. Facilitator gently offered a possible solution of unplugging the stove whenever leaving the house. Or make a Boundary that the stove could only be used when the Caregiver was home.  The Risk I see is that Fear runs Out of Control like a Wildfire.  Creativity is not Embraced.  Freedom is not Embraced. The Human Potential of both the Patient and the Caregiver Remains Under Wrap.  I personally wondered how many Drugs, Prescribed Pharmaceuticals, the poor Soul (Patient) was on. My guess, at least three. My Hypothesis: when we do not Address the Problem Fundamentally, we Create New Problems, lack of Mental Clarity due to medications, in addition to the original one (or more). In this case, I do not know. I caught the comment that came later: this Caregiver discussed the option of two households was not financially feasible – hinting that this would be his preference. Ay, there’s the rub. The Truth of the Matter. He did not want to be married to this woman anymore. Fair enough… I wonder how often the deepest Truth is discussed. Is this little Sub-Optimal Scenario the Cause or the Effect of the State of Affairs. I Toy with the Idea that perhaps the Wife would not be Mentally Ill if the Marriage was allowed to follow its Natural Course.  When we do not Act on our Deepest Truth, it Wreaks Havoc Upon Our Health. Roadblocks to Holistic Health are Everywhere.

Activism: concerning yourself with the behavior of others. Control and Authority issues. My Hypothesis: these Energies result from Failing to look at Your Deepest Truth. I speak from Experience. Somewhere in your Life, you lack Authenticity. Best Solutions are found when you look at the Elephant in the Room, the very hard to admit to yourself Authentic Truth. I catch myself thinking, when I see people fretting due to the stresses of Living Inauthentically: not my Circus, not my Monkeys. My belief is that it is Impossible to Help someone if they are Unable to be Honest about the Problem.  Spitting Into The Wind. Caregiver Burnout Defined.  It becomes a Never-ending Dance. The Entire Medical System is Built on this Foundation.  Are We Having Fun Yet?  I guess that can sound a little harsh. Self-care can look Harsh … to the Un-Initiated.

Be Not Afraid. Jesus Christ

The other Fear if Boundaries were enforced was that the Patient would end up living on the street. I could see how that would be a Captivating Fear. Was Excited to see how the Facilitator handled that one. Both parents of a Patient spending a little incarceration time, in a Prison not a Hospital, attended the Group. It was amazing the energy coming from the mom, asking the group would they let their loved one live on the street? It does come down to Control and Authority, to my mind.  Fear of Being Judged by Others as well.  Homelessness boils down to a Choice for Freedom. I am such a fan of Live and Let Live. Especially, if you are a Parent or Loved One.  Living on the Street might be just the Path to Enable an Individual to Find Their Truest Path.  Ever Play the Tug-of-War game?  Big Effort Pulling, then suddenly Let Go.  The Other Person Playing Falls Back Violently.  Boom!  When They Need to Go, Let Them Go.  If that feels Difficult, I Assign You to spend some time with Homeless People.  Task: Gain Understanding. Help in some way.  By Helping One, You Help All.  To Judge or To Be Judged is To Poison Yourself and Your Loved One.

It is Hard to See the Solution when You are Part of the Problem.

Obsolete by Project Venus  The Singer is the same Lee Harris quoted earlier. Also a Musician. Magical…

From the story Never Say Never, I feel compelled to repeat the four Beliefs. To my Heart, they offer a Compassionate, Empowered Freedom. These are to replace their opposites. Where you hold to one of the opposites, consider how the Belief holds you Captive. These opposite beliefs held by you and/or your loved ones are a source of Slavery. They Challenge your Freedom to Look after Yourself. They often set you in a losing role as the Slave trying to look after someone else, usually someone you Love.

1. Everyone is Responsible for their own Well-being.

2. I have the Full Capability to Heal Myself.

3. I am Worthy of Love.

4. I am Able to Bear All of Life’s Circumstances with Grace and Ease.

It’s Not About the Nail is a short 1:41 minute video demonstrating how I most often see people in distress. Nobody wants to talk about what is really going on. As a Society, we are really Attached to Our Suffering. We are not very interested to talk about what is really happening. As a result, the Solution will Not Be Found. I reflect on my varied experiences over my life.

I admit, I feel like a hypocrite writing some of this…

I feel great Compassion for those who suffer and are just not ready to truly look at it – to be open to an Alternate View. Personal Experience there … of Course.  You Don’t Know what You Don’t Know.  You are Ready to Consider Change only when you are Ready. I feel more now than ever able to enjoy the company of others in a wider way. I Allow their Suffering. I can be Sensitive when they do not want to look at it.  I am Thankful when they can Offer me the same Space.  Live and Let live. Just Listening and Discerning for when there is an Opportunity to help has felt like an Upgrade in my Relations.  Lots to Learn in the area of Relationships for Me, for sure.

The Psychologist noted the Risks of Not Setting Boundaries: Resentment, Loss of Self and Lack of Fulfilling Relationships. She Encouraged us to say No when we need to.  When we want to.  One can Learn to Transcend Guilt.  It can be Overcome in Time. Align with your Authentic Choice:  do not say Yes when you mean No.  Creates Resentment.

My words:

Resentment is Poison to a Relationship.  Resentment is Poison to Health… for the one giving and the one receiving. When a Caregiver gets Overwhelmed, this Poison is Detrimental to both the Caregiver and the Patient. Counteracts the Recovery Process. It Blocks Both from Thriving.  Runs through our Society like the Air we Breath.  Sub-Optimal Health is the Best we can Expect under Current Conditions.

“Compassion is not a Relationship between the Healer and the Wounded. It’s a Relationship between Equals. Only when we Know our own Darkness well can we be Present with the Darkness of others. Compassion becomes Real when we Recognize our Shared Humanity.”
– Pema Chödrön

I value Freedom, Transparency, Authenticity and Kindness. I want to be Truly Helpful. I have a reduced Capacity to watch someone go around and around in a Repeating Loop, despite the fact that I have at least a few that I am aware of and not dealing with.  Human, I Am. I have long known about the Power of Listening. I am Committed to really do this: Ever Aspiring. Awareness that the more Peace and Love I carry within Myself, the more Helpful I can be. Simply Being can be Truly Helpful. I do not have to actually Do Anything … but Listening is a Good Start. Maybe this is another Listen to me Now, Believe me Later. It is the Physics of Consciousness. Pretty Sweet …

I feel Resilient. I also take Responsibility for my Life and my Persistent Loops. If others look at me and Perceive me to be Suffering, it really has Nothing to do with Me. If a problem exists to my perception, I know it is about me. At some point, I may Choose to Look for an Alternate Perspective or Take Actions to Change it. I am Grateful that my Friends and Family Allow me my Autonomy. As they should …

As a person labeled with Bipolar Disorder, I felt I wanted to make a Statement on behalf of Personal Freedom. To my Eye, it steps on the toes of some long held Societal Beliefs about Caring. Beware when Caring is actually Controlling.

Addendum: I was tickled when I came up with the soundbite, I play with Words, Art and Music, when starting the Facebook Page Beautiful Truth in early 2012. As I was writing Never Say Never I was playing with some words. Grandiose is a Longtime Favorite. The Reality Police like to use it as a symptom of Mania.

It all started with my pondering the idea, “Am I Arrogant?” I recognize that I may not be in the best position to answer that question. But at the same time, Who is in the Best Position? Dictionary.com (the source of all the definitions discussed here) defined Arrogance as offensive display of superiority or self-importance. Overbearing pride. The English language is baffling me more and more these days. So if someone is offended, then I am arrogant? Hmmmm… One man’s superior is another man’s high quality. I Believe in Human Capability.  Wonderful qualities are available to me, and every other person living today.  Liking those Personal Bill of Rights more and more. OK. I do not think I am Arrogant but maybe a good idea to reflect/meditate on Arrogance’s opposite. My dictionary app. offers humility and servility as two opposites, antonyms.

Servility – captive, like a slave, lacking in creativity, imitation etc. Wow… not liking that word one little bit.

Humility means having a modest opinion or estimate of one own‘s importance, rank etc. Cannot say that I aspire to either of these words. I now see Arrogant as a Sparkling Compliment.

Grandiose – Love that there is a special Psychiatric definition included: Having an exaggerated belief in one’s importance, sometimes reaching delusional proportions, and occurring as a common symptom of mental illnesses, as manic disorder.

Affectedly grand or important. More complicated or elaborate than necessary. Grand in an imposing or impressive way.

It is easy to see how these words can work against someone. Being arrogant or grandiose is not celebrated. BUT one man’s Grandiose is another’s Self-assured. It is all in the Mind of the Beholder.  We are always Free to call in Judge Mental – a title waiting for a story.

I offer Self-Assured and Self-Confident as the opposites to Arrogant. Their meanings are the same: realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc. Then a second definition is given: excessive or inflated confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, etc. This English language of ours is not very clear, is it? When one says self-confident or self-assured, who knows which definition is being used. They are significantly different. Opposites even.  The Paradox of Life.  It is Everywhere.

The real kicker is Reality. What is Reality? Who is in the Best Position to determine this? Reality Police are everywhere, especially in Mental Healthcare – I mean the Professionals. My Personal Experience sees a New Paradigm of what Mental Illness is. It relates to a Wider View of

Freedom by Zenos Frudak

Reality. It does not match the Traditional View. Somewhere in our History, this type of Change in a Patient was Feared and Misunderstood. The Physical Crisis that often coexisted required something. It was with the Highest Intentions that we Started on the Track that we still Find Ourselves on in the Western Developed World. It is Time to Collectively Open Our Minds to what is presenting when a Patient Experiences a Crisis. Psychotic Break is a term I have heard used in the Integrative Psychiatry world. Two years of Reflection combined with the Personal Experience of Psychotic Break, I term it Energetic Autoimmune Disease. Your Belief Systems fight against your Fullest Version of Yourself Coming Forward. We are All Connected Energetically. When the Majority of those around you Believe Counter to your Reality, It is a Force to be Reckoned with. When you have been Taught to Believe Something, it is very Powerful. That is how Powerful we are, each and every one of us. Reality is what We Say It Is. We are Free to Choose. When Another’s Views are Applied as More Important than Your Own, You are a Slave to Them. You are Captive in Their World. Freedom is the Holy Grail. We Continue on Our Quest Indefinitely. We will never give up. Freedom. Oh, how I Desire Thee.

Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy a lot of Freedom. I am often Accused of Having Too Much Fun. Guilty as Charged. I do Question, Can I be More Free? Yes. When Live and Let Live is even more Fully Embraced in Our World, I will know an Upgraded Level of Freedom. In that World, the Caregivers will not be Overwhelmed…

Fear will be Replaced with Peace, Love and Understanding.

When?  At the Perfect Time.  Whenever We Want.  If it was just up to Me, We would Be There Already.

Mindset is Everything.

At the same time. I. Know. Nothing. Though I Love Sharing My Perspective.

Deep Peace with Bill Douglas

November 3, 2014

Addendum #2:

Happened to listen to a talk by Bentinho Massaro, How To Serve In The New Earth, after completing this Story.  He has his own way of putting into words the Perspective that I was alluding to.  Keep in mind.  It is a Choice.  If it is not for you, Totally Fine.  I transcribed from 1:17:30.

If you really want to be Cutting Edge. If you really wish to go beyond the muck of Doubt and Equality and Inequality and other people thinking this and that of you. If you truly wish to Rise Above all of that, not in a Bad or Arrogant way. Just Rise Above all of it. If you Truly Wish to Set Yourself Free and Live in the Realm of your Chosen Thought, your Chosen Reality, your Chosen Frequency. You have to come up with a lot of Courage. You have to come up with a lot of Bravery. You have to Dare to Just Know. You have to let go of Physical Evidence because Physical Evidence is the result of your Knowingness, your Choice, your Conviction. If you don’t Choose your Conviction first, the Evidence will not Change. The People in it will not Change. The Scientists in it will not Change. You will Never Read an Article Confirming what you Intuit because you are Not Choosing your Intuition before you Read about the Evidence. This goes to all aspects of your Life. You Wish to see Confirmation of what you Know, Intuit and Hope to be True. Trust in your Hope until that Hope is Knowledge. Then that Knowledge or Conviction is then the Word that defines your Reality. Then Suddenly, there is Proof for it All Around You. Then Suddenly you Don’t Need Proof of it Anymore because you just Know Creation does not have One Reality and that Everything Else is just Imagination. You Know that Every Creative Reality is another Portion of Imagination Equally Valid to any Other Reality. The Question no longer is, am I delusional or not. The Knowledge is I am delusional … and so is Everybody Else. …

We are all Delusional Creators. There is No One Solid Reality we All Agree Upon. There is No One Newtonian Truth. There is No One Scientific Reason or Reasoning. There is none of these. So you have to Realize that You are the Creator of the One Entire Individual Experience. At some point, you will be Lifted Beyond the Realm of “is this true or not?” I am not sure. I am Doubting what I Intuit because it has never been shown in Science Now. It has never been explained by some PhD sheep that followed the Educational System. (Bentinho lightly uses his hand as a gun to shoot himself in the head. Quick and subtle.) … There is No Need for Confirmation Outside of Yourself. You have to take that Bravery. You have to be willing to be Delusional. At least be willing to be Delusional for a Moment. And see that I Am actually just Free and this Reality Shapes Itself According to My Convictions. Once you start Tasting of that, you know that that is the Objective Truth that is True for Everyone but then Certain Beings think that is Not True for Everyone. What is True is what we Perceive. What we Perceive is the tail end of our Creation. Our Creation is Everything we See. Our Creation is Originating in our State of Being, our Conviction. Where we place our Energy, Focus, our Intention, our Self Belief. You have to be Willing to Let Go of Circumstances Dictating what is Real or Not for You so that You can Start Dictating Creation Effortlessly, Beautifully, Joyfully, in Service of Love and Light.

That is what Alights You. That is what Accelerates You (Rising to your Highest Version of Yourself). That is what For You Generates more and more Heaven On Earth.

I am the Happiest Person I Know. And I am 26 years old. That is not a thought I conjure up a lot. But sometimes people ask – you are so young and you generate so fast. How do I do that? It is by Following My Own Teachings. By Not Caring about the Outside World. Not Waiting for other People to Agree with Who I Am. Simple, right? Don’t wait for Other People to Agree on Who You Are!

The Fact you Desire to Be Who You Are is the Highest Authority, your Higher Self’s Permission Slip to Act in That Way, to Be in That Way.

With Integrity, with Love and Respect, of course. That is Not Difficult. That is Not Two Different Things. In Fact, You are Lacking the Integrity and Respect if you Don’t have the Integrity and Respect to Honor your Higher Self’s Impulses.

…

It is a Combination of what is Relevant to You. What is Inspired to You by Your Higher Selves. How You Respond to that, Receive that, Act on that in terms of Your Vibrational Attitude …

As an Exercise: Always be the Most Confident Person in the Room. It is not about whether that is True or Not. It is not about Comparison. When you Ask: Am I the Most Confident Person in the Room? Yes is the Only Valid Answer. Am I More Confident that Bentinho? Yes. I don’t need anything. I Am So Confident. …

I know Everyone here is my Child. Begging for Affection, Approval and Love.

Always be the Parent of the Circumstance. Of course, Unless You Want to Be the Child. That is Perfectly Valid too.

…At some point You get So Confident and you Know: oh yeah, these Beings Do Not Know Better than I Do.

As You Raise Your Confidence Frequency, you say wait a sec, these Other Beings Don’t Actually Know What They Are Talking About Better Than I Do -Know Who I Am and What is True and How Life Works. I Have Full Access to that. When You are constantly in the Automatic Mode of: Others Know Better than I do, there is Outside Authority and I have to Wait for them to Agree with Me and Teach Me something. Then you are never going to move as fast as, for example, I tend to move. Because You are Not Choosing to be the most Confident Being of Your Reality.

End of transcription.

Do you See how it can be such a Catch 22?  The Stuck In a Loop concept I often refer to?  Understand better the meaning of Leap of Faith?  A Beautiful Truth to my Mind.  A Perspective that I Choose.  Live and Let Live.

That’s a WRAP!!

November 6, 2014

Dec. 2, 2014  Addendum #3

Lee Harris Quote from his December Energy Forecast spoke again of Boundaries:

So Fear is very strong in many different ways. But what’s really important to address at this time is where are you going in life, who are you around and how are those people making you Feel.

This is why I’ve spent so many times speaking to you about Boundaries. It’s really Healthy to have a Boundary to that which is bringing you down. It’s Healthy not just for you, but it’s Healthy for other people as well. There is a Big Difference, as I’ve said, between People that you’re helping because they are really in distress and you feel compelled to help them, and people whose distress you feel hostage to, time and time again, and they’re making no improvement despite your constant help.

The Fear Energy that is very strong on the Planet at the moment makes things Very Electric. And if you are able to work with it, and recognize it exists and that it’s happening, and find good strategies in yourself to overcome fear, and find an ability to graciously say to somebody, “You know, I’m going to go now because I’m tired and I need to go home.” when they are Pummeling Fear at you; this is the way that you start to find a New Energy Map in Yourself, a New Way of Living.

And I think that’s where there is a breakthrough for lots of people at the moment. They are no longer being held hostage to the old. 

But there is a lot of, “Whoa, this is New and I Don’t Know How to Navigate this New Territory.”And if you are at that point, there is a hell of a lot of openness on the planet right now. But to Create New Energy Maps for Yourself, it is going to require you jumping out the plane without the parachute a lot.

So if you find yourself, for example, invited to a party and you Feel a Fear in You, Don’t Necessarily Trust that it’s Intuitive Fear. Don’t say, “No, it’s that I don’t need to go.” If you’re just tired that’s one thing. But if you’re afraid, this is a great time to just Push that Edge and Push Through It and go to the party. You can always leave once you are there but if you don’t go, you’ll never know.

End quote.

One of my Besties returned back to Australia after three years in Canada. Love the little 45 second link above.  Hanging with her, I had adopted the Australian slogan, “If you Never, Never Go, you’ll Never, Never Know”.  Great Wisdom.  She and I Volleyed this Advice back and forth regularly.  Fun Times.