With built up excitement and anticipation, I took my two sons to see the movie, Pacific Rim on July 15, 2013. It was one day before my second hospitalization for mania and a few days after the movie’s release. Kind of weird how it worked out. I looked up the time and prepaid the tickets online. Showtime 6:05PM. Picked up the tickets, business as usual. Got our snacks. Entered the theatre. I was a wee puzzled as the show was playing. Hmmmm, they started early? We arrived just on time, we thought, expecting to walk in on the previews. All three of us watch on. The confusion does not lift. Shortly thereafter, movie was over. We had watched the finale, the final scene. What? We looked at each other. Something was not fitting. I looked at the ticket in my pocket. It read the start time as 7:10PM. So we watched the ending….and got very little out of it. I was relieved to see that, in fact, our movie was yet to start. We were baffled. Did not feel that seeing the ending was going to affect our enjoyment of the show. Strange how confounding it was when we had no idea what was going on. Yes, I know, I was 1 day away from the Loony Bin but the boys seemed equally dazed. True to life isn’t it? Sometimes we just do not know what is going on. Worth noting that I was 13 days without Lithium at this stage. My trial to make sure I truly needed it. Always the scientist. Gipsy Danger from the Soundtrack of Pacific Rim.
Well, watching the complete movie was Way. More. Satisfying.
I remember the deep Gratitude I felt to all movie makers following the enjoyment of the film. The concept of the neural bridge was too cool: the drift. The big fighting machines were controlled by two pilots who had to join brains in a way, energetically. They were capable of seeing intimate things in their co-pilot but it was required for the complex maneuvering of the fighting machine. Not for the fainthearted. Some jobs are too complex for just one brain I guess. Cannot imagine a human alive where seeing the intimate intricacies of another’s thoughts would not be a scary place. I grew up thinking my thoughts were private. Today, my understanding is that they may not be as private as I was led to believe. This is another put that in your pipe and smoke it concept. Maybe it is just me. Call me crazy. I have benefited so much from many musicians, authors, filmmakers, artists etc. When movies are written, they come from somebody’s inspiration. Truth is stranger than fiction. Good movie material. Possibly the imagination has creative power. Another hypothesis, the truth was there to be perceived when one was capable of seeing a higher dimensional view. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Does it matter? Either way, truth. I was very moved to keep the ticket stub – to remind me to write about seeing just the ending: metaphor for life. Eyed it in early September 2013. Many numbers called out to me. See picture.
With my Angel Numbers book by Doreen Virtue, I looked up all the numbers that popped out at me. I marvel at how natural this now seemed to me. You may have heard about people who see 11:11 everywhere. Likely there are many meanings but one of them is that you should be conscious of what you think as the Universe is taking a snapshot of your thoughts now…and they are creating your reality so choose wisely. I have occasionally found myself to be one to see 11:11 but mostly see a vast array. My theory is that if you keep seeing 11:11, you are stuck. With forward movement, you would expect to see numbers changing with your own evolution. The more you keep seeing that starter number 11:11, the more you should look for a way to unstick yourself and progress. That is just my little hypothesis…
Kinda sounds like a judgment…I am human. I do see 1:11 occasionally – I interpret the same. I see 1:33 quite regularly for over a year now. Doreen Virtue’s book, Angel Numbers, I was guided to obtain. Borrowed it from a friend. 133 means “The ascended masters are supporting your healing work by helping you have positive thoughts, intentions, and affirmations. They’re whispering Divinely guided ideas of love to you, so be sure to notice your musings and insights.” Gotta love that message! For the doubters in the crowd, just try it for a week, believing the angels are giving you these beautiful messages through numbers. Or maybe your intuition – another common way for Angels to communicate with us. Maybe it is our Soul. The Angel Numbers book goes from 00 – 999. For me, I will see a 6 digit number but two or three digits within the number will pop out. If it happens to you, you will know what I mean. Another one I see regularly is “1234”. That one is not included in the book but I do not worry. Recently heard it may speak to taking one step at a time. Advice of the millennium.
Addition December 2014: all of the Angel Numbers are positive. You can be sure it is a good sign when numbers pop out. That may be all you need to know. Or not. Follow your inspiration. We are like snowflakes, no two are alike.
Which gets me back to the Pacific Rim. Knowing the ending without experiencing each step along the way is very confusing. When I think about my own experiences, sometimes I get big visions but what can one do about them? Really all we have is now and the Next. Best. Step. More and more, I just try not to think too much about some of the endings that come into my awareness. There seems no way I can know. Only time can really tell. Who cares anyway. It is the journey over the outcome. I say this for the psychically gifted in the crowd. My sense is we all have psychic gifts. For many, they have been cast aside and are not developed. I presume that mine have been there all along. I often did not value or trust in my own perceptions as they did not seem logical. Time and experience have shown how right I usually was (I just did not trust it). For me, that has been part of the journey: recognizing my own intuition is bang on. The more I think about my intuitive nudges, the more I used to just cast them aside. Now, I am open to them being right.
I don’t mind being Right. I don’t mind being Wrong. I don’t mind being Real. Big Freedom there.
I use them to guide me but in each moment I am making my choices, following my highest excitement. The moment is King. I do not let my intuition overstep the moment. But the intuitive thoughts can be helpful in the back of my mind. The biggest change for me has been just simply accepting that I do not know…nor do I need to. I embrace uncertainty. That step is a humongous one in my experience. Certain that each moment will be as it is.
Understanding is optional.
This also leads into destiny versus free will. I do not choose a side here. I see room for both. I do believe in free will. And everyone has their own free will. So as I can read a situation now to have a certain energy or vibration. If several people are involved, they will each have their free will decisions to make in each moment. That is why a psychic can never truly be 100% right. There are odds that can be played based on the type of thoughts (energy) each person is holding. But in each moment, we are all connected and we are all free to choose a different thought. That is the Simple. Beautiful. Truth…
We all know: people change their minds. It is not a crime. Or is it? Especially in the relationship backdrop, I have seen great suffering when one person does not accept that another person changed their mind. It is the ultimate freedom. Love freedom!!
Just because you know how the movie ends, you still have to play it out. Matt Kahn
I added this February 18, 2014 after attending a Retreat with Matt Kahn.
December 2014 Addendum: I have met Doreen Virtue, previously mentioned as the author of the Angel Numbers book, on two different occasions: first in October 2013 in Sedona, Arizona and most recently in April 2014, San Francisco, California. Her energy made a big impression on me. Words cannot describe.
Arrived early to the Hilton Hotel, site for the Hay House Writer’s Workshop in San Francisco, April 2014. I chose to stay off-site, a stroll away. Checked into the workshop. Directly to breakfast next. Not one minute passed and I had a new friend. One of those we were definitely meant to meet kind of Soul Friends. You know those? She was ahead of me in the line for breakfast. It was not my habit to invite a stranger to join me for breakfast but that is what I did. Quickly determined that she worked in Health Care and was married to a Chinese American. Interesting coincidence, even if I was formerly married to a Chinese man and formerly worked in Health Care, we had a couple of things in common. Near the end of our meal it came out that she was a pioneer setting up programs for patients (for lack of a better word) with Bipolar Disorder. Really?? Before starting the workshop, we made a dinner date to discuss more. Fantabulous connection. Trying to keep my story short. Want to mention that after sharing two meals together she informed me that I am not the typical Bipolar Disorder patient. She re-iterated my own opinion. Not needed but it is always nice. From a Professional no less. Mmmmm…
Day 2 of the workshop was where Doreen presented. She was and remains the rockstar of Hay House Publishing. Her materials sell better than any other author with the company. Having already met her I expected a good vibe but somehow this day was far more memorable. The energy in the room just lifted higher and ever higher. I was feeling unwell. Reminded me of my manic episodes. I travel often enough. An oft repeated quote, I usually forget one thing, it is just a matter of which one. Well this time, it was Lithium, my Bipolar disorder medication. I had already reviewed my options to myself earlier. I landed on: it was only 5 days. How bad could that be? So sitting in the auditorium with more angels than I was accustomed to (listen to me now, believe me later) I could hear my thoughts turning against me. Oh oh. Panic was setting in. My friend! I found her following the talk. She saw my physical distress – shaking, anxious, flying high. Felt so thankful in that moment that I could obtain specialist consultation when I needed it. Consultation that I trusted. Abundance: having what you need to have when you need to have it. She put a hand on me. She reassured me that it will settle but gently advised, “why don’t you just go see a Doctor and get a prescription”. That would be the safest thing. OK dear. I will comply. I reviewed all of my self-help strategies and they worked to settle me. The next part of the program did not interest me so taking a stroll along the San Francisco streets was the more appealing option in that moment. I was curious to know if I could manage without the Lithium but could see no harm meeting another Doc that day. Decision not made yet. Hotel concierge directed me to the nearby walk-in clinic. I was in the Financial District which I think helped me to find the entire clinic staff standing at the desk waiting for the VIP patient. That would be me. Everybody else in the vicinity was working hard. One of many thoughts that were entertaining me through my experiences that day. Across the street from the clinic, before entering, I was extremely distracted by a deck of cards strewn about on the street. It looked like nearly the whole deck. I felt they had a message for me. I kept picking them up until I finally pulled myself away. No message really came. Aside from the idea that getting back on the Lithium was definitely the best option. I recognized that my fascination with the cards was a signal not to be ignored. What do you know? Clinic was across the street. Being a Physician myself, I was thoroughly entertained by my 7 minutes in the clinic. Most of the time was talking about how much the visit would cost, $170 USD, and processing the payment. Few questions were asked by the Assistant. I was led to an exam room. No word of a lie, the doctor opened the door, slowly walked towards me as he spoke a few sentences. He finished writing the prescription that presumable he had started outside the exam room. Handed me the script he just ripped from his pad, turned around and left the room. He was talking all the while. In slow, steady progress, he did not pause. Constant motion. It was almost as if he was on an automatic track, like when you order sushi in Vancouver and it comes around on a belt, cutely seated on a tiny boat. My best attempt to describe the scene I witnessed. The absolute most efficient Doctor patient meeting I had ever witnessed. Un-fucking-believable. I have heard myself say many times that some Medical Offices are in the business of printing money.
I failed to mention that on my way to the clinic, I came upon the Pharmacy recommended by the Hilton Hotel Concierge. I stepped in there first. I have my collection of pet ideas. Expansion of paramedical professionals’ duties is one of them. I was curious. If all I needed was to refill a script that I was taking back home, it would be expedient for the pharmacist to just fill it for a week or two’s worth of pills. Save the system both time and money. Hard to imagine a patient obtaining Lithium for illicit purposes but Truth is Stranger than Fiction. The pharmacist and I had a lovely conversation and rapport. She agreed with me but felt her Professional Standards would be breached if she complied with my request. She put a positive word in for the clinic down the road. Should not take me too long. She was right on that note. The only problem is if one is attached to their money. Luckily in this instance, that was not the case. Why spend less, when you can spend more? That is what I always say. I love collecting experiences and then telling about them.
Returning to the Pharmacist, she processed me immediately and charged me about $5 for my script. That was Easy. If I had my red Easy button, I would have pushed it both at the Doctor’s office and the Pharmacy. I took my missed dose with the bottle of water provided at no charge from my Friendly Neighborhood Pharmacist. As soon as I left the store, I felt 100% back to normal. Laughed out loud. It was my sense that I was supposed to have that quirky little experience … just so that I could live to tell the tale. I feel that happens a lot to me. It is fun … except when it is not. The high energy of Doreen Virtue was more the factor than the lack of Lithium. I felt fine for the remainder of the afternoon. The Lithium would barely have entered my system in those first hours.
Do not want to waste a good problem! I try my best not to.
P.S. – 605 in Angel Numbers means God is helping you change your work life so that your spiritual and physical needs are always met. 710 means your positive thoughts and prayers have brought much joy and manifestation into your life. Stay positive and connected to God through prayer and meditation.
P.S.S. – I have come to understand how my playing with the boys follows this same reasoning. There is a method to my madness. Trust me. I call it field work. Some jobs are more unusual than others. Working on a story that has even surprised me called, You Are The Lover and The Loved. Not sure it will make it before Christmas. I follow my inspiration. I do not know about you but in my hands experience is the best teacher.
P.S.S. – I am following my own Christmas Wish. Disclosure. December 12, 2014 I received a huge intuitive nudge to look at this story. Next nudge: publish same day. Not sure why. Seems I am on a need to know basis. I have come to trust that. Sharing my perspective as always. Wrong? Right? Let me be Real at least. Somehow was not able to meet deadline. One day late. Such is life.
Something Big by Shawn Mendes