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<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Over The Rainbow\/Simple Gifts.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n This makes me feel that the title is perfectly fitting now. Over the Rainbow is a song I have long loved. When I took singing lessons way back, I sang this song \u2013 as so many singing students do. It just has such an optimistic, make your dreams come true feeling. BUT to add in some Simple Gifts \u2013 a hymn that I play clawhammer on my banjo, it becomes so perfectly me. I have a predilection for playing and enjoying gospel music on the banjo.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Am I procrastinating getting into this story? Yes, absolutely I am. The Simple Gifts I received via this experience are priceless. I have heard many stories in my day. This one could be taken on a completely different tangent than the one I chose. Because I choose my own story. The following experience resulted in great growth opportunities. So why would I seriously consider not including it? See what you think.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Teal Swan (formerly Scott) Diving Deep, Shadow Work<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThe most important thing we can do in our lives is stop acting as if anything is a drama. <\/i>Treat <\/span>drama<\/i> like it really is: a trigger, asking us to <\/p>\n I point to divorce or unconscious uncoupling as the creator of numerous examples. Love the term <\/span>conscious uncoupling<\/b><\/span>. Each partner takes some responsibility <\/span>for the wounds they brought to the relationship<\/span>. They see each other’s human essence and can peacefully coexist whether they have children to parent together <\/span>or not<\/span>. <\/span>When there are children and the coupling is uncouscious, the ground is ripe for <\/p>\n August 12, 2014. This was the day where this story, experienced years ago, took form<\/span>. I had been avoiding this tale despite sitting down to it many times. Most of my anecdotes just form all at once. I read Jeff Foster’s poem posted this day which at long last lit up the outline for <\/span>how to paint the picture<\/span>. <\/span>Some surprises for me. Tears came as I felt it download. Even though the story was long known to me, details of how to share it and the issues to include are <\/span>downloaded.<\/b><\/i> From my higher self? From the Muse? <\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Begin by the Wailin’ Jennys<\/span><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n RAYS OF SUNSHINE THROUGH THE CLOUDS<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n In the midst of conflict, Has your ‘enemy’ suddenly and without warning become… closer? You are not crazy. You are not ‘going soft’. You have felt their pain as your own, their struggle as your struggle. Once, you held them in your arms so tenderly. Perhaps you will play again.<\/p>\n Perhaps you are the hope of this world.<\/p>\n – Jeff Foster<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tears came to my eyes after reading this…knowing the narrative will be scripted. With the intention of love and compassion to all involved. I savor the memories of some highly charged events.\u00a0 Life was not boring. I got to walk my talk… and it was good. Maybe I was not even talking. I made some connections to ancient wisdom and had a chance to try them out for the first time. Believe it or not, it was easy too. The hugest problem I see in society today is the idea that being loving, authentic, transparent and honest is hard. Load of bullshit. The way I see it is those who are not authentic, transparent, loving and honest have a waaaay harder time. In the words of Pierre Elliot Trudeau, \u201cJust watch me\u201d<\/b><\/i>.<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n This will be the story of the Laser Eye Surgery Center \u2013 seen through a wide view lens. It began in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where my then husband received one year of Corneal Subspecialty Training. It was an intense year with rewards and challenges. My firstborn daughter was born two months into the training. The plan to deliver before moving to the United States was thwarted by nature. Not a big deal really. My partner had funding from the Canadian Institute for the Blind to cover his wages so it was easy to negotiate that the hospital cover all expenses related to the birth of our child. $500US per month: cadillac Health Insurance was provided. Yes! Not a Canadian penny was spent on our healthcare that year. I was pretty shocked that the bill to deliver a healthy child came to over $10,000 US. That was at the downtown hospital too. We later learned that the fancy people would never have their baby at the Hennepin County Medical Centre. The suburbs was where the local Doctors delivered. I was treated like a VIP and had no complaints. First tangent, whoops!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n That was 1997 and refractive laser surgery, to remove the need for glasses, was relatively new. It was my sense that this was one of the first years that the technique could have been offered in training. It was a great opportunity for my buddy to be taken under the wing of a private operator. With that training fresh and new, he was keen to keep it going. Upon return to Edmonton and joining his father in Private Practice, he took the first opportunity that came up to do refractive surgery. He joined Lasikvision, a multi-center Canadian group of Surgeons. Learning curve both surgically, less of a challenge, along with the business side. My sensible husband was the first to leave a ship that did eventually sink. Saw that one coming. He then joined a small two center operation that worked well for a time. Issues continued to crop up: <\/p>\n I was more reluctant than my buddy in this exciting venture… just a little. It was not my dream, for sure. I was completely <\/span>busted<\/b><\/i> when the deciding factor for me was my Dad saying \u201cgo for it\u201d<\/strong>. You think you are all grown up and then you get caught jumping at the smallest encouragement…when it is your Dad<\/strong>. We were driving to Saskatchewan to see my Grandparents. It was a 500 mile drive so there <\/span>wa<\/span>s lots of time to catch up with life. I felt the yes click into place the millisecond my Dad approved. Gotta laugh… No regrets though. I love learning in the <\/p>\n Explorations discover that it would be a dream for <\/span>my husband<\/span>. Now there was a good reason<\/em>. The plans started to formulate: costs, accreditation, financing, human resources etc. The fact that two key employees worked for the prior facility <\/span>wa<\/span>s a huge concern. It was felt that these key people were an asset to the plan. Legal counsel was obtained. This was not too cumbersome but not free. <\/span>And not without drama.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The idea of conscious business mentality was on our minds. How do we honor the key players? Neither of us had much business experience. We had heard about companies like Starbucks who shared profits with their employees. We like<\/span>d<\/span> the idea of giving them a small share in the company but needed guidance on how to do it. After talking with accountants and lawyers, we did not have a formalized way. <\/span>Everyone discouraged doing it via giving Shares. Whoops! Too late now. It had been discussed.<\/span> In the meanwhile, business was up and away. OK, let us figure this all out on the fly. Our accountant was known for great one-liner advice. I recall him once saying, \u201cNothing ruins a good friendship faster than a bad business relationship\u201d<\/strong><\/em>. <\/span>That one is pure gold.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The Medical Director of the Centre, my then husband, was a pretty busy guy. Definitely, he and I were crossing our fingers that the other two might hold some water. Within four months, Otto was out – not concerned about undelivered promises. He preferred to work for a multi-centre group and ended up being wooed by one of the competitors. The same human beings who sunk their first ship. Interesting how that works. Fine. It was a blessing that <\/p>\n I always felt good about Flora’s skills. I wrongly assumed that once Otto left, the three of us would be a team. Personally, Flora and I <\/span>were not friends despite the long work relationship between <\/span>she and<\/span> my buddy. <\/span>She<\/span> and her husband had recently separated. I was a bit blind at the time to how big an event that can be. She is tough by nature. I could relate to that. Somehow, both my buddy and I chose to be less than forthright about how involved I was in the business. I saw her as having an ego. <\/span>She would not like to know that I carry weight for my overworked partner.<\/span> Already knew that she and I did not connect that strongly. Noteworthy, with the strong work connection at the laser centre, when my buddy needed more help in his private practice, he hired Flora in a contract style. She did elevate herself above a regular employee: Invoicing, being paid <\/span>that way<\/span>. I admired her confidence and attitude. She had high expectations. <\/span>It worked in her favor.<\/span> After several years, my buddy would tell me how she vowed to work with him until retirement. He was flattered… a little surprised how she could be so committed.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Back to the project:\u00a0 developing the permanent site while operating in a temporary, sweet deal, location.\u00a0 The leasehold developments went way over budget. It was a freak in the Edmonton Economic <\/span>cycle<\/span>. I recall headlines describing the impact <\/p>\n My official role in the company: book keeper. My actual role: A whole lot bigger than that. I did whatever I could without showing my face on site.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Short version of story: dysfunctional leadership. Three people believing themselves to be at the helm in some capacity. Thora, my buddy and I. A little love triangle.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It was not long before my buddy was ordering Thora and I not to communicate together. Everything had to go through him. That love triangle becomes a line… with a very resistant, and busy, dude in the middle … with his head stuck in a hole. I laugh out loud as I write that. Never thought of it that way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Somehow felt that I had to give that reality backdrop to paint another layer on the story.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Behind the scenes, I am personally feeling a need for transformation both for myself and the marriage. Truth is so much stranger than fiction. My buddy felt a lot of stress in his work combination by this time. Private practice. Surgical Facility ownership. As much as the center <\/p>\n 1. Be Proactive.<\/p>\n 2. Begin with the end in mind.<\/p>\n 3. Think win: win.<\/p>\n 4. Put first things first.<\/p>\n 5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.<\/p>\n 6. Synergize.<\/p>\n 7. <\/span>Sharpen the Saw \u2013<\/b><\/span> this one was being neglected most by my buddy. Cannot cut with a dull saw.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The other big concept from that book that I still think about today: Stephen Covey created 4 quadrants of priority in tasks. He felt that most people have a tendency in filling their time with things that are urgent but not important. Someone else unloads their agenda to you. We <\/p>\n Will throw in a wee example of my style of dealing with an issue that is important but not urgent. Early in the months of the permanent Centre opening, I saw a looming problem. In Medical School, unlike Dental School, there is not a stitch of education about running a <\/p>\n Back to the Flora challenge:<\/p>\n I recognized within a couple of months that she wanted to own the company. She worked as if she was the owner. As a result, she had <\/p>\n I consider myself <\/span>like a painter<\/i> as I write my little stories. A dot here. A dab there. Information link here. Music video link there. Photo here. Facebook post picture there. Artwork here. Nature there. Reminds me of a cute little skit from \u201cThat’s So Weird\u201d Love that show! Saturday Night Live for kids. <\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Like a Doctor 2<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Love a transparent kayak!<\/p><\/div>\n Months <\/span>of planning and preparation for the opening of the Centre and it was time to purchase or lease the surgical equipment. I was personally so disappointed when the big Ophthalmology Conference landed on the same week as Spring Break <\/span>for the kids’ school<\/span>. I was planning for the family to travel to Mexico for a vacation. The conference was like a trade show. This year, my buddy had to go and sort out the equipment for <\/span>the Centre<\/span>. <\/span>One of the surgical companies had lent him a laser that got the cash flowing. Sweet deal!\u00a0 But not a permanent solution. As a result he had to go to the conference.<\/span> It did not take me long to decide to carry on with my original plan…sans (without, in French) husband. That created a few ripples. People were quite silent at the idea… in a spooky way. <\/span>Unwritten rule: married women with children are not supposed to vacation with their kids when their husband is not present. <\/span>I had been playing around in my mind with how I was going to deal with my marriage dissatisfaction. Separate holidays was on that list. Let me just try that one on. I had been keeping my eyes open to other couples and saw how few of them had anything inspiring to offer. Most found ways to silently slip out of each others lives…while still sharing a business together. The <\/span>family<\/b><\/span> business…as in raising kids together under the same roof. There is a practical side there. Cost savings running one house rather than two. Money is not everything. Sure I have heard that somewhere before.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Loved the vacation. I did it my way. No arguing about the plan. Nice change. Kids were 9 years, 6 years and 2 years. That little toddler <\/span>was<\/span><\/p>\n I love Jesus!<\/p><\/div>\n Jean-Luc. Fondest memory of the daily ritual I formed starting the first day. I told the two older <\/span>kids<\/span> that they would have to entertain themselves each afternoon in the hotel room while JL took a nap. I would be on the balcony reading… Ekhart Tolle’s A New Earth. Completely outside myself, it was <\/span>Jesus<\/b><\/span> who delivered my coffee and snack to enjoy during the afternoon siesta <\/span>each day<\/span>. <\/span>Warmed my heart.<\/span> The name on the nametag of the hotel employee who delivered my room service was Jesus<\/em>. <\/span>It was a big resort. There had to be other guys on shift. I got him every single day.<\/span> Truth is Stranger than Fiction, I always say.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Many friends later told me they knew a divorce was on its way. Really? I think it is more via energy than just taking your kids on vacation without their dad. Is that really so strange?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Along the wayside, I had diagnosed my buddy as suffering with depression. I dragged him to a counselor connected to the Medical Association. <\/span>The therapist, a lovely woman,<\/span> saw a lot of Doctors as a result. I learned a lot from her. It was interesting to hear her declare that she has seen so many Doctors sit on her couch and be unable to connect to their feelings. Hmmm…. interesting. She was the one who <\/p>\n Devil’s Paintbrush Road performed live by the Wailin Jennys<\/a>.<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n I have given the whole CD very many listens. I own lots of Wailin Jennys’ music. I am a big fan! I jumped up and down when this song More lyrics from the song:<\/p>\n “I held on for so long.\u00a0 Dusty, quaint old song.\u00a0 Things attached with glue…”<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cAll or nothing now.\u00a0 Might as well be true. Leave the dream of hearth and home that never will come through.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/a><\/span>dive deeper<\/b><\/span>.\u201d Teal gives an insightful explanation that when we display <\/span>drama<\/i> or strong emotions, it acts like a flag to point towards our unresolved and unintegrated grief. Discovering the causality of our conflict changes it. I would call that healing. It is important to <\/span>recognize the messengers<\/b><\/span>. They are only reflecting your unhealed wounds back to you. <\/span>Do not shoot the messenger!! <\/b><\/span> I would hazard to guess that most personal conflict arises from the past wounds, going unrecognized. The messenger gets shot and is now a more wary human being for the next relationship, romantic or otherwise. The heart is walled off and less available to give and receive love.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>creating trauma in the children. This is the common fear that I hear and have heard relative to my own conscious uncoupling. My sense is that unrecognized emotional wounds in parents have untoward effects on kids<\/strong> <\/em>whether the parents stay married or choose to uncouple. Love to call a spade a spade… The best thing we can do for kids: <\/span> parents heal thyselves! <\/b><\/span> Easier said than done, I know.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>The writing above was tapped out and left for untold months. <\/span><\/p>\n
\nhave you ever suddenly felt a near-unbearable wave of compassion
\nfor the one on the ‘other side’?<\/i><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
\nYou are waking up.<\/p>\n
\nYou have forgotten all your clever reasons to be at war.
\nYou have lost interest in winning.
\nYou have remembered that once you were kin.
\nIn another life, perhaps, or in another reality, or in another moment,
\nthey were your brother, your sister, your mother, your friend, your son.<\/p>\n
\nOnce, you played together in the river.<\/p>\n<\/a>sanitation, business, agreements etc. Contract worker: owner\/operator. The debate was long entertained. Neither my partner or myself were jumping on the bandwagon of ownership of a Surgery Centre. Conservative by nature we were. I wanted to be clear about why we would choose to own. What do we know about running a private surgical centre? I more than he believed in simplicity. Would this not complicate our life? We are doing just fine, aren’t we? His contract work connected him to two people who were egging him on to go for it.<\/b><\/i> One was a salesman-type business manager, the other was the surgical assistant. I will call the manager Otto and the assistant Flora. Names have been changed for whatever it is worth. I could hear my buddy getting won over by the weekly influences of Otto and Flora. OK, if he was seriously thinking about it, so would I.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>University of Life.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a> we recognized right away. It was getting pretty awkward when we could see his skills were not translating into the skills we were hoping <\/span>for<\/span>. I read the book, \u201cGood to Great\u201d by Jim Collins. One of the first tips is to get the right people on the bus. We had no end of problems in that area. Reading that book showed me that I naturally knew the content. Common sense in how to run a business. As in everything, easier said than done…<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>this had on the City of Edmonton also. So our initial plan for $750,000 loan turned into a $1.3 million loan. Slightly uncomfy for the Doctors <\/span>–<\/span>he and I. It had a bigger impact on him. We were committed and there was no turning back anyway. Let us make the best of it. The shareholder agreement just kept getting put off month after month. Flora was quite patient with it. Her own domestic uncertainties <\/span>enabled a delayed enactment<\/span>. She had no money in. <\/span>If she bought in before her divorce was complete, her former husband could own half. <\/span>Reality settled and it was hard to imagine a mutual agreement coming forth. Figured this out within the first months of operation. Problem. What to do? My idea: let us hash it out. My buddy’s idea: let me stick my head in a hole and see if this problem will magically disappear. <\/span>He feared her quitting and he felt he needed her.\u00a0 My interpretation anyway.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>was stressful, it was healthy. Cash flowed very well. He operated one day a week at the onset with a low overhead situation <\/span>in a temporary location<\/span>–<\/span>prior to the permanent center. There was a great big party with the patients every week. He became addicted to it. It was a great success! If we just forgot about the debt and some of the human resource headaches, the company was doing very well. The debt was not unmanageable the way things were going. I could see my husband wilting severely. Life was just out of balance. I was very sensitive to that and encouraging him to make some changes. I am someone who read the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People three times. No other book can get that satisfaction. I even read the Seven Habits for Highly Effective Teens with my kids too. Simple stuff.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>need to be very mindful of doing the non-urgent, important things. How we handle that type of task can create the atmosphere in your life. If you feel you are always <\/span>putting out fires, <\/i>you may not be attending to task prioritization very well. Many emergencies are avoided by doing the important but non-urgent tasks in a timely manner. If you need a reminder, there was that old Shareholder Agreement issue with Thora that kept getting put on the backburner. I wonder why? <\/span>My perspective sees it as: my buddy wanted to maintain control. He wanted to inform her that the agreement was off the table permanently but there was a risk that she would quit. My idea: look for a win:win that is not the shareholder agreement. There is a chance that she will refuse. It is her choice to work towards an agreement or quit. <\/span>His style was by doing nothing he maintained more control than tackling the conflict in discussion, looking for a mutually agreeable solution. So it is of absolutely no surprise to me that he handles our divorce agreement in the same way \u2013 coming on 4 years. Assets still not in my name. Any day now. I am not suffering. <\/span>I will not hold my breath.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>business. Doctors just wing it. With the Surgical Centre, we planned on using our common sense. Worked not too badly. Also, talk to other business owners. We did that for Human Resource problems. A garden variety cashflow problem was <\/span>detected<\/span>. <\/span>Time of arrival: less than four weeks.<\/span> I was the only one in the position to see it. I recall mentioning it reluctantly to my buddy. Never wanted to add to his load but had to discuss. As expected, it weighed heavy. He ordered me to tell nobody else. I rarely defied orders but one day later, I called our Banking Representative. When you borrow a million dollars, you form a <\/span>relationship. <\/b><\/i>I was the one maintaining this relationship. Enjoyed. <\/span> I felt comfortable sharing the situation <\/span>with her<\/span>. Within ten seconds, she happily offered the solution: a line of credit for $100,000. That was easy. It was a reminder that we are a bit debt averse. In a business like this, having a <\/span>line of credit<\/span> was common. My buddy was not too happy that I shared the situation with the Banker. I knocked my head a couple of times. Made little sense how he was more mad than happy for a simple solution. This was a super objective sign for me to appreciate the difference between my buddy and I. How would it have gone if we said nothing and it turned into an emergency? <\/span>I sensed the shame associated with <\/span>being perceived by others<\/span> as \u201cnot having enough money\u201d. It was not logical in this context in my paradigm. It was kindergarten business tool awareness. I made a note. He is sensitive on this topic.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>frequent arguments with the owner. Big problem needed a timely resolution. She had a dream…and my buddy watered that dream. She would not have parted with it easily. My prediction, she would have quit. Possibly, after having difficulty finding another job to her satisfaction, she would have returned.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/a><\/a>declared to me, \u201cAngele, it sounds like you are waiting for permission\u201d…<\/span>to leave<\/span>. She was referring to divorcing my husband. Wow! She was right. I was waiting for him to <\/span>agree.<\/b><\/span> She was worth every penny of her fees, paid by the Medical Association, a benefit, for that perception. Why did I need to be told that? Felt like such a smart one needing somebody outside myself to inform me … of my own feelings.\u00a0 Cannot quite take the Doctor out of the girl, I guess. Maybe sometimes we really do need someone to help us see our own feelings. Or is it just Doctors? <\/span>How to get unstuck?<\/span> That is where a close friend with a spot on intuition can come in handy. Sometimes we are not ready to hear <\/span>the truth, <\/b><\/i>even our own. At this point, we were in the middle of <\/span>one last try.<\/i> Months after I had a powerful experience feeling a strong romantic attraction to a<\/span>nother<\/span> man. I saw him and instantly felt: \u201c<\/span>W<\/span>ow! Wonder if he is married? Wait a minute, I am married!\u201d Straw that broke the camel<\/span>‘<\/span>s back. Since I had not been able to fully look at the truth that I needed to make a change, the Universe ke<\/span>pt<\/span> sending stronger and stronger signals. I have always had a fascination about <\/span>Infidelity.<\/b><\/span> I wondered what it was. How come it is so common? If it is so common, why is everyone so surprised when it pops up? Now I had my own experience. Oooooh, that is what infidelity is! It is when you have emotionally left your marriage and are now open to the next relationship. Good to know. I get it now… <\/span>Carry on.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a>popped into my head as going in this story. Always wondered why I liked this song so much. It was that line \u201cI’m not the cheatin’ kind. It snuck up from behind. Kicked in the door to <\/strong><\/em>someday, I<\/strong><\/em> can’t get her off my mind.\u201d<\/strong><\/em> My thoughts: we, as a society, have set ourselves up for it. Then we cry foul every single time it shows its predictable face.\u00a0 We are stuck in a loop, yet again. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Is it working? Maybe we will have to change something, not sure…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n